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Top 5 Jokes

Posted on November 19, 2009 by Nick

Hey!

I wanted to post something funny, so I decided to post about jokes. Also please vote in the poll above. It changes Tomorrow so you only have aproxmially 23 hours until I change it.

#5 Moral of the Story

One day at the end of class little Billy’s teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story….

The next day Billy tells his story….

“My dad fought in the Vietnam war, his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more, but the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands”

Teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story….Billy replies, “Yeah… don’t mess with my dad when he’s been drinking

#4 Helicopter

A man and his wife go to acounty fair for 50 years and every year the man said he would love to go on the helicopter but his wife said $50 is $50 and one year the pilot heard this and said if you don’t make a sound on the flight you can ride for free so the pilot done everything he could to make them make a sound even loop the loops and at the end the pilot said congratulations you didn’t make a sound and the man said i almost made a sound when my wife fell out but $50 is $50

#3 Wrong E-Mail

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

#2 A Blonde Year

January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..”duh”…..bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

March – Got excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”

April – Trapped on escalator for hours…..power went out!!!

May – Tried to make Kool-Aid…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June – Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August – Got locked out of car in rain storm…..car swamped, because top was down.

September – The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

October – Hate M & M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!